Maxwell Maltz was a plastic surgeon in the mid 20th century. After performing thousands of surgeries eradicating people of their physical defects he noticed that although he had corrected his patients physical flaws without leaving any scars the patients would still have the low confidence they had before the surgery despite looking one hundred times better in the mirror. Many people would still continue to be depressed because they still had emotional scars that could not be treated by surgery.
“By understanding your self image and by learning to modify and manage it to suit your purposes you gain incredible confidence and power.”- M. Maltz
Your self image is the foundation of your personality and character. It is unconsciously formed from your past successes, failures, humiliations, and the way other people have reacted to you especially in early child hood. From these past experiences we construct a mental picture of ourselves . Your self image then controls what you can and cannot accomplish. It dictates what tasks are hard or easy for you. If a person believes they are an F student then they will do just enough work to get an F and their report card will be proof to them they they cannot do any better than that grade.
To find life satisfying you must be have a self image that you are not ashamed to be and one that you can feel free to express creativity rather than hide in shame. When your self image in intact you feel secure, when it is not you feel nervous.
Remember this quote every time you feel anxiety in social settings. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Exercise: Write down 3 characteristics you would like to improve on and choose a person that represents each different characteristic. Study each person and understand their upbringing, the influences that shaped their personality and discover what makes them so good at what they do.
Yet another video trying to depict “successful” black women complaining they cant find a GOOD Black Man. Watch the video and you will see why they cant attract The Urban Renaissance Man.
Alexyss goes in on the women who want a man who no longer want them. She is referring to women who don’t take responsibility for their own life and actions as well as choices. She also points out how tired she is of women not taking any responsibility for her own feelings and how they make up excuses for men who lie, cheat and won’t choose between woman. This Video is raw and uncut. Watch at your own risk. Was she right?
http://rapidshare.com/files/337036640/The_Silva_Method-_Unlocking_the_Genius_Within.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/337035606/The_Silva_Method-_Unlocking_the_Genius_Within.part2.rar
This book offers a step-by-step program to teach yourself how to access the powerful right side of your brain and to help you learn to:
* better your health
* strengthen your relationships
* increase your income
* accelerate learning
* make the right decisions
* find solutions to all the problems you face
The secrets of a happier, healthier and more fulfilled life are already locked in your mind. The Silva Method gives you the key.
Weight loss requires two things: burning calories through exercise and cutting them through smart food choices and portion control. In theory, you could create a calorie deficit by spending hours at the gym, but that’s not realistic-or much fun. And who wants to live on lettuce leaves? Instead, try these seven everyday moves to drop pounds effortlessly.
1. Fidget
James Levine, MD, of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, has spent a decade studying the role that everyday movement, or NEAT (nonexercise activity thermogenesis), plays in metabolism. His discovery: People who tap their feet, prefer standing to sitting, and generally move around a lot burn up to 350 more calories a day than those who sit still. That adds up to nearly 37 pounds a year!
2. Keep most meals under 400 calories
Study after study recommends spacing out your meals at regular intervals and keeping them all about the same size. Eating meals at regular intervals has been linked to greater calorie burning after eating, better response to insulin, and lower fasting blood cholesterol levels. When you eat regular meals throughout the day, you’re less likely to become ravenous and overeat.
3. Take yourself off cruise control
Increase the intensity of your everyday tasks, from vacuuming to walking the dog, recommends Douglas Brooks, an exercise physiologist and personal trainer in Northern California. “Turn on some music, add in some vigorous bursts, and enjoy the movement,” he says.
4. Drink 8 glasses of water per day
Water is not just a thirst quencher–it may speed the body’s metabolism. Researchers in Germany found that drinking two 8-ounce glasses of cold water increased their subjects’ metabolic rate by 30%, and the effect persisted for 90 minutes. One-third of the boost came from the body’s efforts to warm the water, but the rest was due to the work the body did to absorb it. “When drinking water, no calories are ingested but calories are used, unlike when drinking sodas, where additional calories are ingested and possibly stored,” explains the lead researcher, Michael Boschmann, MD, of University Medicine Berlin. Increasing water consumption to eight glasses per day may help you lose about 8 pounds in a year, he says, so try drinking a glass before meals and snacks and before consuming sweetened drinks or juices.
5. Step it up–and down
Climbing stairs is a great leg strengthener, because you’re lifting your body weight against gravity. In addition to taking the stairs at every opportunity, try stepping up and down on the curb while you’re waiting for the bus or filling your gas tank, says Brooks.
6. Use grocery bags as dumbbells
Letting someone else load your groceries or carry your suitcase is an opportunity missed for strengthening and calorie burning, says certified coach Beth Rothenberg, who teaches a class for fitness professionals at UCLA. “Carry your groceries, balanced with a bag in each hand, even if you have to make several trips,” she says. “And pack two smaller suitcases instead of one big one, so you can carry them yourself.”
7. Eat 4 g of fiber at every meal
A high-fiber diet can lower your caloric intake without making you feel deprived. In a Tufts University study, women who ate 13 g of fiber or less per day were five times as likely to be overweight as those who ate more fiber. Experts see a number of mechanisms through which fiber promotes weight loss: It may slow down eating because it requires more chewing, speed the passage of food through the digestive tract, and boost satiety hormones. To get 25 g of fiber a day, make sure you eat six meals or snacks, each of which contains about 4 g of fiber. For to-go snacks, buy fruit; it’s handier than vegetables, so it’s an easy way to up your fiber intake. One large apple has just as much fiber (5 g) as a cup of raw broccoli.
Source: http://health.yahoo.com/featured/78/7-easy-ways-to-lose-weight-without-starving-or-breaking-a-sweat/
Get your tickets at: http://www.macklessons.com/get-tickets-to-see-tariq-on-tour.php
Watch the video:
“For millions of black women, many blessed with brains and beauty, finding the right man is proven elusive. Are their standards to high or are the pickings to slim?”
ABC News “Nightline” did a piece on why so many successful Black women are single, and if they need to lower their standards in regards to requirements for finding a mate. Some points raised during the show:
42% of black women have never been married, that’s doubled that of never married white women
There are 1.8 million more black women than black men
Take the available black men, eliminate those without a high school diploma, those without a job and the number of black men between the ages of 25-34 that are incarcerated that leaves only half of those black men that’s eligible to pop the question.
Jan
Self-hatred, self-loathing, also sometimes autophobia refers to an extreme dislike of oneself, or being angry at oneself. The term is also used to designate a dislike or hatred of a group to which one belongs. For instance, “ethnic self-hatred” is the extreme dislike of one’s ethnic group.
The term “self-hatred” is used infrequently by psychologists and psychiatrists, who would usually describe people who hate themselves as “persons with low self-esteem.” Self-hatred and shame are important factors in some or many mental disorders, especially disorders that involve a perceived defect of oneself ( body dysmorphic disorder). “Ethnic self-hatred” is considered by some people as being a cultural issue, to which psychological theories have limited relevance. Self-hatred is also a prime feature of many personality disorders.
Jan
Jan
This guide has been tested and proven to be 100% effective. You will receive mind blowing results within days! The “dirty little tricks” put into this guide are so effective that they should be illegal! You will be able to casually walk up to ANY women and sweep her off of her feet using these proven methods, it’s that easy! You will be shocked when you read this stuff! Become a Ladies Man… By Tomorrow!
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1. Acquire Knowledge and apply it
This was my first rule for the men, though my reasons here are slightly different. Firstly, a solid education and skill set should ensure that you don’t become a slave to a man in the event that your Urban Renaissance Man (URM) turns out to be an Urban Asshole. A woman should always have access to enough resources to leave any situation at any time. Entering the relationship free of the dependency factor will make the relationship truly mutual and aid in the “symbiosis” that we all dream about.
2. Know Your Role
Get over yourself!!! Although it is the honest to God truth that you will never be hotter than you are right now, what that really means is that you are getting cooler by the day. Before long, you will barely be lukewarm. Simply put, you’ve got to bring more to the table than being “HOTT” because there will always be somebody or something hotter. The URM, more than anything, values support. It is so rare these days to find a woman who is educated, confident and comfortable in her accomplishments/abilities yet selfless enough to not feel slighted by an URM as he dreams, plans, executes, and achieves. Too often, today’s educated sister wants to be out in the forefront and running the show. It’s not all your fault. In recent times (the last 30 years or so) men have fallen short of fulfilling their obligation to our women and our children (See last week’s note). As a means of survival, women have evolved and begun to fill the role of provider and nurturer. If you are lucky enough to find an URM, you have to be comfortable enough in your skin to let him be THE MAN and head of the household. It won’t be hard, because a true URM will settle for nothing less. Get with the program or continue to date boys posturing as men. Then you can run the show, pay all the bills, and complain about him being an unemployed, shiftless, waxing and waning infidel. It’s better being single right?
3. Don’t punish today’s man for yesterday’s crime
Your current URM is not the Father who wasn’t in your life or the jerk that took your virginity and rode off into the sunset never to be seen again. He is not on that laundry list of ex’s that cheated on you with your best friend nor is he the guy who stood you up on prom night. So why in the hell are you punishing him for all of that? All of those things happened so that you would be able to identify character traits of the men you DON’T want in your life so you would absolutely know when your URM has arrived. Punishing him for another man’s indiscretions will certainly run him off and leave you in an FFF’d up state: Fat, Forty, and Forgotten.
4. Learn to deliver when and as promised
URM’s are results oriented people. They do not care about how good and pure your intentions were. They are not interested in how hard you tried to make it happen. Effort without results is much like faith without works…DEAD. To the URM, there is a very bright line: Is it is? Or is it ain’t? And if it ain’t, why the hell not? At that point you will have lost substantially the respect of your URM and will henceforth be relegated to the depths of mere arm decoration or meaningless sex, IF he keeps you around at all.
5. Shut the F*** Up Sometime
To a man who works 55+ hrs/week (as most URM’s will), nothing makes a relationship more undesirable than a woman who monopolizes every conversation (even conversations with herself) or offers status updates at ridiculously frequent intervals. I will offer two examples: 1. I dated a woman once (I know I’m presumptuous placing myself in the URM category, but I’m writing it so I get to define it lol) who would call me with every trivial development. Something as simple as an overnight visit would somehow necessitate 6 to 10 phone calls before she arrived AND one before she knocked on the door. This turns any man, let alone a URM, off like Sprint does your cell phone when your balance gets too high. Without warning, service is gone, much like your URM will be. 2. I have a neighbor whose wife doesn’t know how to temper her mouth. Her gums flap as if for sport. When I first moved in, I could not understand for the life of me, why he was so happy about my arrival. I would soon discover that he was simply happy that he could come over to watch a football game in peace. Talking during the game is almost criminal. I’ve escorted a woman to the door for flapping her gums during a game. To be honest, men usually are not remotely interested in the things that excite you and frequently reminding us that you’re interested in that thing is not going to peak our interest in the least bit. Peace and quiet is completely underrated. Work that out ladies. Work that out!!!
6. Stop quoting self-proclaimed bishops
The names: T. D. Jakes, Eddie Long, Creflo Dollar (r u serious??? His name is Dollar. The collection plate would skip right past me every Sunday) and others should never be the first words to part your lips in any circumstance. You want to lose a man, continue to quote these men. Quoting female evangelists is just as bad, if not worse, depending on how feminist and anti-misogynist their message is. Even if your URM is a Bible toting pastor in training, he will probably be turned off by your allegiance to the “Get Rich Quick Ministry”. Don’t get me wrong, men do appreciate a woman of relatively high moral fervor. I just can’t point to any man who is interested in dating an evangelist, let alone an evangelist who has been indoctrinated into the pseudo cult that is the Mega Church. When it comes to your faith, let some Tyler Perry creation be about as close as you get to trying to drag your man to church with you.
7. When he talks, Listen
All my life, I have heard women complain about their man (myself included) not talking to them enough. First, see the rule number 5 above. Once you’ve handled that, understand that men and women are wired very differently and men simply aren’t that open emotionally or otherwise. Most importantly, you should know that men of substance don’t talk very often, but when they do it’s always a treat. That being said, if and when your man decides to open up to you for a moment be attentive and supportive. Chances are he’s reached a crossroads in his personal development and is feeling you out to see where this thing is going. Your silence and attentiveness will score major points with him. Squandering this opportunity with empty banter about your girlfriends or going shopping will pretty much seal the demise of your relationship. No, men are not flexible on this.
8. Have self-respect, give others respect, get (not demand) respect (in that order)
Few things are more annoying than an obnoxiously scantily clad, foul mouthed, and boisterous woman who has the nerve to feel disrespected when someone approaches her with a line fit for the strip club. This is hardly the description of the “lady” my father told me to look for. It is very difficult for someone else to respect you when the respect you have for yourself is not immediately apparent. Then let’s be consistent. Don’t let your self-respect wax and wane depending upon how cute or financially well off a man is. Set a standard for yourself and stick to it. I challenge you to think long and hard about the times you’ve felt disrespected by how you were approached. What were you wearing? How were you dancing or behaving? Was there any variable that could be interpreted as a lack of self-respect? If you want to be treated and respected like Queen of the Earth, cater your dress and behavior for the occasion.
9. Don’t dig for information you are not prepared to discover
Far too often, women get a wild hair up their (insert favorite part of the female anatomy here) and decide to go snooping. If you look for it, I promise you will discover something that makes you “uncomfortable”, at best. There is no escaping this tragic phenomenon. Checking cell phones, wallets, brief cases and other personal effects is a gross violation of trust and respect (even if he is watching you and appears to be “cool with it”). He’s really just watching to see how far you will go and how little you really trust him. These atrocities, that are comparable to treason by the way, are usually punishable by acute infidelity and the grotesquely slow and painful demise of the relationship. If you don’t think he can be trusted, move on. Don’t snoop. I know many of you will not heed my advice and will make a mistake my EX made (note the direct correlation between snooping and ex). If, during your clandestine snooping, you discover something that bothers you, it is NOT okay to bring it up. You do not have the right to snoop further, bombard him with interrogatives, nor call one of those radio shows that will ask him who he’d like to take on a trip. You have only 2 options: Leave or deal with it. Admission of guilt and being caught are again usually punishable by acute infidelity and the grotesquely slow and painful demise of the relationship.
10. Be secure (comfortable in your skin), not overbearing
URM’s find a secure and confident woman VERY attractive, much like the equal and opposite attraction exists for women. We also find a very aggressive and “busy” woman to be a turn-off. This should come as no surprise. We’ll chalk it up as human nature. A few simple do’s and don’ts follow: 1. Be secure enough to meet his female friends, but do not try to infiltrate and “manage” the relationship he has with them. You will make a comfortable situation very awkward. Be nice to those friends as they were there before you were, and after you get caught snooping (see item 9) they will be the only people advocating for him not to leave you high and dry (women have some sick allegiance to other women they don’t really know that men will never understand). Otherwise, they will still be his friends after you are gone and will enjoy many laughs at your expense over (insert drink of choice here). 2. Be secure enough for him to openly admit he finds another woman attractive without you getting upset or feeling the need to declare your attraction towards another man. Chances are, he doesn’t care that you find the other guy attractive and this will upset you even more. Besides, this is “tit-for-tat” behavior is childish and a major turn off. 3. Don’t ask to meet his family. When he is ready for you to meet them, he will introduce you. Don’t try to be proactive and call his mother to declare your undying love for her son. She will immediately write you off as “fast” or a “skeezer” and he will have no choice but to break up with you because he listens to his Mom (present company included, even though I hate to admit it). If you continue to be persistent and make it to the alter prepare for a MISERABLE in-law experience. 4. Keep the bragging about your URM to your “friends” to almost nothing. If he’s really as good as you say he is during “Girl’s Night Out” events, they will be inclined to see for themselves. Though URM’s are very strong of mind, the flesh is still very weak and your “friends” are a lot more trifling than you’d like to admit. Ask your male friends for confirmation of this phenomenon. 5. Stop listening to your “NEVER HAVE A MAN SINGLE FRIENDS!!!!!!” Your mother may also be included in this demographic. They are already miserable, and though they will NEVER admit it, they really would enjoy your company more than they want you and your URM to be happy. Besides, a woman who has not had successful relationships can only teach you how to not have successful relationships. Find a woman who is happily married (perhaps an oxymoron) and pick her brain. You will find her approach to relationship woes a lot less confrontational, but a lot more effective.
11. When it comes to sex, aim to please
As I have mentioned above, men and women are wired very differently. All sorts of studies have been conducted and have concluded that in this arena men value the physical and women the emotional. Nonetheless, a very important part of connecting with your URM is to quench his physical thirst while wetting your emotional palette and forging a symbiotic cosmic bond between the two of you. There are very few “don’ts” in this arena (what you won’t do…. Y’all know the rest). Have the awkward discussions early so that likes and dislikes can be communicated and time is not wasted on trial and error. As the URM will often work 55+ hrs/week, you will have very few opportunities to “get it right”. On the other hand, assuming you’re both compatible in this arena, he will take very good care of you outside of the bedroom if you can keep him happy in it – symbiosis at its best!!!
As always ladies, you do have an option. You can continue to be superwoman and try to micromanage everything. Just know that the man in your life won’t have much renaissance, but will have plenty of urban. Hopefully you’ll head my advice and help restore the Black Community to the greatness and self-sufficiency it once had. I’m Ben and I hope you’ve Ben-Inspired.
FYI
If you are a single mother, stay out of the club
If by some stroke of divine luck or misfortune (depending on this situation), you now find yourself as a single mother, limit your club hopping to one or two nights/month. A URM will not write you off just because you are a single mother. He absolutely WILL write you off if you’re a regular at night spots while your child is in the care of your responsible best friend.
Source:
http://blogs.transworldnews.com/rackworld/Post.aspx?postID=16818
Some individuals have the goal of developing strength, yet they don’t want to use weights to do so. Whether it’s because in these financially tense times they can’t afford a gym membership, they want to give their CNS a break from the heavy lifting, or they are just looking for a change of pace from their traditional workout program, these guys are on the hunt for a workout that will boost strength without the weights.
Can it be done? You bet. With a variety of body-weight and plyometric exercises available, you can create a very effective workout that’s short on time, but high on results.
Here’s what you need to know about weight training without weights.
The factor of overload
The number one requirement for a muscle to grow is an overloading stimulus; essentially a stress the muscle has not encountered before.
The key factor to keep in mind here is that this stress does not need to come from weighted plates. It can come from your bodyweight, gravity, instability, or momentum.
If you look at many professional athletes such as gymnasts, they are incredibly strong yet many are not in the weight room every day hoisting extremely heavy weights around. They develop their strength through gymnastic-specific training such as work on the beam, rings and the floor that is essentially weight training without weights.
Therefore, if you are able to incorporate these aspects into a body-weight workout program, you will still be able to generate the strength levels that you’re looking for.
the workout
Lower body
Jump Squats with a pause in the squat position – 3 sets of 8 reps
To perform this exercise, move down into a full squat position and then explode off the floor, jumping as high as possible. Upon landing, move back down into the squat position, stopping halfway down to pause for a count of five seconds before finishing the squat and rebounding off the ground again.
Step-ups – 3 sets of 20 reps with a 2:0:2 tempo
While step-ups are traditionally done with a barbell across the back, if you use a step that’s high enough and take the rep range higher while slowing down the tempo, you’re really going to feel this exercise.
Half-to-full stationary lunge – 2 sets of 15 reps with a 2:1:3:1 tempo
Get into the position you would use to do a single stationary lunge and then begin the movement until you are halfway through the typical lunge movement. Reverse the direction back to the starting position again, and then proceed to complete the full lunge motion to complete one set.
Single-leg rising deadlift – 2 sets of 15 reps with a 3:1:3 tempo
Begin in an upright standing position and then simultaneously begin to lift one leg off the floor behind you while bending over with the body until your leg and body are perpendicular with the standing leg (both legs remain straight). Hold for a single count before returning to the starting position and switch legs after all reps are completed.
Upper body
Alternating push-up to side plank – 3 sets of 15 reps with a 2:1:4 tempo
Begin by performing a standard push-up, taking two seconds to lower and one to rise back up. Once you’re at the top of the movement again, you are to flip onto your side and perform a side plank, holding that for a count of four seconds, moving back into the push-up position before you complete the next rep.
Pull-up with pike – 3 sets of 15 reps with a 2:2:2:1 tempo
Start by performing the traditional pull-up movement, but once you reach the bottom of the movement, move into a pike trying to get your legs up to at least waist level. After the pike is completed, continue on with your next pull-up.
Single-leg tricep dips - 2 sets of 15 reps with a 2:0:2 tempo
Get into a standard dip position, with your legs up on a bench or box. Once you’re balanced, lift one leg off that box and perform the tricep dips from there. This will call your core into play to a much larger extent due to the fact you have a reduced base of support. Remember to do equal sets on each leg.
Inverted row – 2 sets of 15 reps with a 2:1:2 tempo
Begin by lying on the floor with a broomstick or pole across two level surfaces. From there, grasp the bar as you would if you were doing a bent-over row (upside down) and pull the body up to meet the bar. Make sure your pole is well supported and not at an angle.
weight-less workout plans
So, give the above workout a try next time you are looking to boost your strength levels and try something new. Even though you aren’t using weights, don’t pass these exercises off as easy as they aren’t that at all. They are definitely going to challenge your abilities and put your fitness levels to the test.
http://www.askmen.com/sports/bodybuilding_250/265_weight-training-without-weights.html
Jan
Dec
Sourcing: Men’s Health
You’ll start every week with a Monday full-body power circuit that combines our best muscle-blasting moves into a workout sure to intimidate the misanthropic villains in your life. The rest of the week you’ll hit your chest, arms, shoulders, legs, and other key muscle groups with targeted training to help you fill out that tuxedo. You’ll finish the week with some active rest. Martini, shaken or otherwise, and leggy sex-kitten optional.
Monday’s Workout
Power Circuit
Reps: 10 of each exercise
Sets: 3
Clean and Press
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart in front of a barbell. Bend at your knees and hips, and grab the bar with an overhand grip. Push your thighs forward to raise the bar so your legs are fully extended and pull the bar up to your chest. As the bar gets to chest height bend your knees, swing you elbows forward and catch it at your shoulders. Without pausing, bend your knees again and press the bar above your head. Return the same route, then repeat.
Weighted Knee Raise
Position yourself in a Captain’s chair with a dumbbell between your feet. Tense your abs, then bend your knees upwards until they become level with your diaphragm. Pause for a second at the top of the move, return to the start, and repeat.
Weighted Stepups
Stand holding two dumbbells with your left foot on a bench. Keeping your shoulders back, push up off the floor, bringing your right foot up onto the bench. Step back down and repeat without pausing. When you’ve finished on your left leg, repeat on with your right.
Pullup
Grab a bar with an underhand grip that’s shoulder-width apart. Hang, then pull yourself up so your chin crosses the bar. Lower yourself back to the start position without swaying and repeat.
Incline Pushup
Get into a pushup position, hands on the floor shoulder-width apart. Put your feet up on a bench and go up on your toes. Keeping your back straight, bend your elbows so your chest almost touches the floor then return to the start position and repeat.
Triceps Dips
Get on a pair of parallel bars and lower your body until your upper arms are parallel to the ground. Push back to the start until your elbows are straight but not locked. Slowly lower and repeat.
Tuesday’s Workout
Chest and Back
Reps: 10 of each exercise
Sets: 4
Incline Bench Press
Lie on an incline bench raised to 45 degrees. Grab the bar with a shoulder-width grip. Keep your back straight and lift the barbell off the rack. Lower the bar to the middle of your chest, pause then push it up to the start position without locking your arms. Repeat.
Pullup
Grab a bar with an underhand grip that’s shoulder-width apart. Hang, then pull yourself up so your chin crosses the bar. Lower yourself back to the start position without swaying and repeat.
Incline Pushup
Get into a pushup position, hands on the floor shoulder-width apart. Put your feet up on a bench and go up on your toes. Keeping your back straight, bend your elbows so your chest almost touches the floor then return to the start position and repeat.
Incline Pec Flys
Lie on an incline bench raised to 45 degrees. Grab a dumbbell in each hand and hold them above you. Keeping a slight bend in the elbow, lower them out to your sides as far as you can. Return to the start position and repeat. Maintain the same arc in your elbows when lowering and raising the weights.
Wednesday’s Workout
Legs
Reps: 10 of each exercise
Sets: 4
Squat
Set a barbell on your shoulders and stand with your feet hip-width apart. Keeping your back straight and your eyes forward, slowly squat down until your thighs are parallel to the floor, then push back up to the start position. Repeat.
Straight-Leg Deadlift
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart in front of a barbell. Bend at your knees and hips, and grab the bar with an overhand grip. Push your thighs forward to raise the bar so your legs are fully extended and your body is upright. Keeping your abs tensed and your knees slightly bent, slowly lower the bar to the start position and repeat.
Hamstring Curl
Lie on a hamstring curl machine and push your abs onto the bench so your lower back is flat. Keep your knees slightly bent with your Achilles’ tendons on the pads. Bend your knees to curl your feet upwards; tense your hamstrings in the process. Hold for a second, then slowly lower to the start position. Repeat.
Weighted Lunge
Stand with your feet hip-width apart and hold a dumbbell in each hand. Take a giant step with your left foot, bending your left knee until your left thigh is parallel to the floor. Keep your back straight throughout. Reverse the motion, stepping back to the start position. Repeat with your right leg.
Thursday’s Workout
Shoulders and Arms
Reps: 10 of each exercise
Sets: 4
Incline Biceps Curls
Lie on an incline bench raised to 45 degrees. Hold 2 dumbbells down by your sides, palms facing each other. Curl the dumbbells up to your shoulders, turning your wrists as you do so your palms finish pointing behind you. Return to the start and repeat.
Triceps Dips
Get on a pair of parallel bars and lower your body until your upper arms are parallel to the ground. Push back to the start until your elbows are straight but not locked. Slowly lower and repeat.
Lateral Raises
Hold two dumbbells in front of your thighs. Bend knees and with bent elbows raise your upper arms out to the side until your elbows are at shoulder height. Slowly lower and repeat.
Shoulder Press
Hold two dumbbells up by your shoulders, palms facing either side of your head, and take a small step forward. Bend your knees slightly, then drive the weights over your head until your arms are straight but not locked. Slowly lower and repeat.
Friday’s Workout
Power Circuit
Reps: 10 of each exercise
Sets: 3
Clean and Press
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart in front of a barbell. Bend at your knees and hips, and grab the bar with an overhand grip. Push your thighs forward to raise the bar so your legs are fully extended and pull the bar up to your chest. As the bar gets to chest height bend your knees, swing you elbows forward and catch it at your shoulders. Without pausing, bend your knees again and press the bar above your head. Return the same route, then repeat.
Weighted Knee Raise
Position yourself in a Captain’s chair with a dumbbell between your feet. Tense your abs, then bend your knees upwards until they become level with your diaphragm. Pause for a second at the top of the move, return to the start, and repeat.
Weighted Stepups
Stand holding two dumbbells with your left foot on a bench. Keeping your shoulders back, push up off the floor, bringing your right foot up onto the bench. Step back down and repeat without pausing. When you’ve finished on your left leg, repeat on with your right.
Pullup
Grab a bar with an underhand grip that’s shoulder-width apart. Hang, then pull yourself up so your chin crosses the bar. Lower yourself back to the start position without swaying and repeat.
Incline Pushup
Get into a pushup position, hands on the floor shoulder-width apart. Put your feet up on a bench and go up on your toes. Keeping your back straight, bend your elbows so your chest almost touches the floor then return to the start position and repeat.
Triceps Dips
Get on a pair of parallel bars and lower your body until your upper arms are parallel to the ground. Push back to the start until your elbows are straight but not locked. Slowly lower and repeat.
Saturday’s Workout
Stay away from the weights, but do some stretching and easy cardio, such as a hike, bike ride, or mid-paced run.
Sunday’s Workout
Work off a long night at Casino Royale, or something more intimate, with another dose of stretching and easy cardio.
Hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.
Read more of the Rawness Tips at: http://www.therawness.com
When starting conversations with strangers, don’t just launch into your train of thought immediately. People nowadays, especially in more populated areas, have become experts at tuning out their surroundings and turning them into background white noise. It’s very normal to walk around feeling alone in a crowd, and listening to Ipods, texting and reading books on commutes add to that feeling.
For these reasons, when you start a conversation with someone you don’t know in public, they’re oftentimes not prepared for it. It usually takes a couple of seconds for it to register that you are speaking to them and by that point they’ve usually missed the first few words of your sentence, leading to a blank stare or a request for you to repeat yourself, which are momentum killers in social scenarios.
Instead, use throat clearers. Throat clearers are normally considered bad things, especially in writing, as described by legal writing expert Wayne Schiess:
When you lead in to an idea with a little phrase to get you started or to provide emphasis, you are using a “throat-clearer.” It’s as if you are saying, “I have something to say now. Listen up.”
The universal advice of writing experts is to drop these phrases and write the sentence in a way that emphasizes the idea without the useless throat-clearer. For example–
Weak: It should be noted that the amount in controversy exceeds $75,000.
By dropping the throat-clearer (”it should be noted that”), you may be sacrificing a slight emphasis. You can usually think of a better way to achieve that emphasis.
Better: In fact, the amount in controversy exceeds $75,000.
Weak: It is important to remember that the client must make the final decision.
Here again, we might lose a small sense of emphasis when we remove the throat-clearing phrase “it is important to note that.” But try this:
Better: The client–not the lawyer–must make the final decision.
However throat clearers aren’t universally bad. Although considered inefficient in writing, they can be very useful in social speaking situations.
When meeting new people preface your introductions with throat clearers and a slight pause like:
-“You know what?” Pause, then state observation.
-“So…” Pause, then ask icebreaker question.
-“Wow…that’s really unbelievable.” Pause, then give compliment.
-“Yo!” or “Hey!” Pause, then make icebreaker joke.
-Literally clear your throat or let out a playful whistle.
The possibilities are endless. Use whatever language feels natural to you. In the few seconds it takes their brains to register that you are speaking to them and focus on what you’re saying, you’ve managed to say nothing of importance yet. By the time you do hit the meat of your introduction they’re mentally prepared to receive it.
But keep in mind no matter what throat clearer you use, it better portray comfort in your own skin and confidence. This means, no
-“Excuse me…”
-“Sorry to bother you, but…”
-“I don’t mean to interrupt, but…”
-“I hope you don’t mind, but…”
These are apologetic throat closers, and for some reason they are the default throat closers men instinctively use when breaking the ice (I notice women use them less). This is a violation of one of my Renaissance Man tips about overapologizing. “Excuse me?” What are you asking to be excused for? Is your presence and conversation something that is such an affront that you need to be forgiven for inflicting it on others? “Sorry to bother you?” Is that what you see yourself as? A bother? “I don’t mean to interrupt?” But you did interrupt, so obviously you did mean to. So why be wishy washy and disingenuous about it?
This may sound like nitpicking but such language choices subtly register on an unconscious level with people, especially among the more socially savvy and intuitive
Dec
This is a must have book for anyone trying to gain and maintain power in any environment. Many Fortune 500 CEOs and event Rappers such as 50 cent, Kanye West and Tupac Shakur have read and utilized Robert Greene’s techniques in order to gain power in their industry. Enjoy!
Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ftg7a2sf
<b>1. The most important of all networking skills is listening. Instead of worrying about what you can talk about, think about what you can ask others to talk about. Simply ask people about themselves and listen respectfully and attentively to the answer. Too many people feel nobody ever listens to them, and if you provide both opportunity and audience you’ll be amazed at how easy the conversation becomes.</b>
People love to talk about themselves, but remember that you are networking for a reason. If you are scouting for business, try to keep the conversation about business. Ask them about their business or their job or their company, and then mentally make notes that can help you decide whether to follow up with them later or not.
2. Small talk can lead to big talk. Sometimes we are so worried about breaking into conversation groups that we miss the first opportunity to meet people: the food table! While you’re in line for breakfast or other refreshments, start a conversation about the food. By the time you both reach the end of the line, you’ll be ready to join the general buzz.
<b>3. Once you are in a group, small talk can also be useful in beginning a useful dialogue. Not sure what topics to introduce? Here’s a great tip: scan the newspaper before you go to the event. Find something intriguing, cute, funny or amazing (not controversial or horrifying) and if there’s a lull in the conversation just bring it up as something you read in the paper that morning. This is a great way to involve others and create a friendly environment. Relationships can blossom easily in such a setting.</b>
4. Remember that networking can be one step in developing clients, but it is NOT a selling situation. There’s nothing worse than having someone back you into a corner at a networking event and try to sell you their services. Don’t be that person. Concentrate on making connections, and follow up later on those that look like good prospects for your services.
<b>5. Please don’t waste your networking opportunities by spending time with people you see every day at work. I know this is tempting because it’s easy — but it’s not networking. The idea is to meet new people.
Most important, go to business or career networking events with an open mind and an intention to enjoy the event and the company. The rest will take care of itself. Happy Networking!</b>
The Art Of Seduction is a book by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers which, while examining social power much like their book The 48 Laws of Power, does so through the lens of seduction.
The book is divided into two sections. The first concentrates on nine personality types and asks the reader to find the type that they most closely identify with. By understanding the personality type that the reader falls into, they are able to maximize desirable traits, and minimize undesirable traits. These “anti-seducer” traits are explored in the section of the same title.
From there Greene goes on to describe the four phases of seduction. These are:
1. Separation: Stirring Interest and Desire
2. Lead Astray: Creating Pleasure and Confusion
3. The Precipice: Deepening the Effect Through Extreme Measures
4. Moving In for the Kill
Like The 48 Laws of Power, this book also takes a neutral look at how to manipulate social situations. Though the language can seem morally base, Greene invites the reader to look at the book amorally, justifying that people want to be seduced.
Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XRQXR7F6
Dowload: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=975Y58VU
Are you just another AFC (“average frustrated chump”) trying to meet an HB (“hot babe”)? How would you like to “full-close” with a Penthouse Pet of the Year? The answers, my friend, are in Neil Strauss’s entertaining book The Game.
Dec
Get ‘em Tiger!
Your Royal Flyness holding a book signing and forum around his books, on Dec 19, 2009 at 7:00PM at Robin’s Bookstore on 110A South 13th Street, Philadelphia PA. Please come out, learn, AND spit your game as well!
By the way, there will also be an afterparty for attendees at Elana’s Soul Showcase Lounge & Cafe 4912 Baltimore Ave, Philadelphia, PA. To RSVP go to either www.MySpaceToMyPlace.com or www.FacebookDatebook.com
About Flyness
Flyness has been a student of game for a few years now. Since he had to deal with moving all around the country, meeting women quickly was a necessity for him. Thats when he first turned to AOL and eventually other social networking sites in the mid to late 90s.
For the past ten years, Flyness has met countless women from damn near every social networking site and has enjoyed a great deal of success. In that time, he studied game from some of the most well-known dating gurus in the game: Tariq King Flex Nasheed, Mystery, and Ron Louis and David Copeland. And because of the plethora of women with Myspace, Facebook, Blackplanet and Localhookupz pages, he felt it was due time to share the knowledge with the fellas!
Just for fun I recently asked Erin, “Now that the kids are in summer school, don’t you think it’s about time you went out and got yourself a job? I hate seeing you wallow in unemployment for so long.”
She smiled and said, “Wow. I have been unemployed a really long time. That’s weird… I like it!”
Neither of us have had jobs since the ’90s (my only job was in 1992), so we’ve been self-employed for quite a while. In our household it’s a running joke for one of us to say to the other, “Maybe you should get a job, derelict!”
It’s like the scene in The Three Stooges where Moe tells Curly to get a job, and Curly backs away, saying, “No, please… not that! Anything but that!”
It’s funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it’s time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. In fact, if you’re reasonably intelligent, getting a job is one of the worst things you can do to support yourself. There are far better ways to make a living than selling yourself into indentured servitude.
Here are some reasons you should do everything in your power to avoid getting a job:
1. Income for dummies.
Getting a job and trading your time for money may seem like a good idea. There’s only one problem with it. It’s stupid! It’s the stupidest way you can possibly generate income! This is truly income for dummies.
Why is getting a job so dumb? Because you only get paid when you’re working. Don’t you see a problem with that, or have you been so thoroughly brainwashed into thinking it’s reasonable and intelligent to only earn income when you’re working? Have you never considered that it might be better to be paid even when you’re not working? Who taught you that you could only earn income while working? Some other brainwashed employee perhaps?
Don’t you think your life would be much easier if you got paid while you were eating, sleeping, and playing with the kids too? Why not get paid 24/7? Get paid whether you work or not. Don’t your plants grow even when you aren’t tending to them? Why not your bank account?
Who cares how many hours you work? Only a handful of people on this entire planet care how much time you spend at the office. Most of us won’t even notice whether you work 6 hours a week or 60. But if you have something of value to provide that matters to us, a number of us will be happy to pull out our wallets and pay you for it. We don’t care about your time — we only care enough to pay for the value we receive. Do you really care how long it took me to write this article? Would you pay me twice as much if it took me 6 hours vs. only 3?
Non-dummies often start out on the traditional income for dummies path. So don’t feel bad if you’re just now realizing you’ve been suckered. Non-dummies eventually realize that trading time for money is indeed extremely dumb and that there must be a better way. And of course there is a better way. The key is to de-couple your value from your time.
Smart people build systems that generate income 24/7, especially passive income. This can include starting a business, building a web site, becoming an investor, or generating royalty income from creative work. The system delivers the ongoing value to people and generates income from it, and once it’s in motion, it runs continuously whether you tend to it or not. From that moment on, the bulk of your time can be invested in increasing your income (by refining your system or spawning new ones) instead of merely maintaining your income.
This web site is an example of such a system. At the time of this writing, it generates about $9000 a month in income for me (update: $40,000 a month as of 10/31/06), and it isn’t my only income stream either. I write each article just once (fixed time investment), and people can extract value from them year after year. The web server delivers the value, and other systems (most of which I didn’t even build and don’t even understand) collect income and deposit it automatically into my bank account. It’s not perfectly passive, but I love writing and would do it for free anyway. But of course it cost me a lot of money to launch this business, right? Um, yeah, $9 is an awful lot these days (to register the domain name). Everything after that was profit.
Sure it takes some upfront time and effort to design and implement your own income-generating systems. But you don’t have to reinvent the wheel — feel free to use existing systems like ad networks and affiliate programs. Once you get going, you won’t have to work so many hours to support yourself. Wouldn’t it be nice to be out having dinner with your spouse, knowing that while you’re eating, you’re earning money? If you want to keep working long hours because you enjoy it, go right ahead. If you want to sit around doing nothing, feel free. As long as your system continues delivering value to others, you’ll keep getting paid whether you’re working or not.
Your local bookstore is filled with books containing workable systems others have already designed, tested, and debugged. Nobody is born knowing how to start a business or generate investment income, but you can easily learn it. How long it takes you to figure it out is irrelevant because the time is going to pass anyway. You might as well emerge at some future point as the owner of income-generating systems as opposed to a lifelong wage slave. This isn’t all or nothing. If your system only generates a few hundred dollars a month, that’s a significant step in the right direction.
2. Limited experience.
You might think it’s important to get a job to gain experience. But that’s like saying you should play golf to get experience playing golf. You gain experience from living, regardless of whether you have a job or not. A job only gives you experience at that job, but you gain ”experience” doing just about anything, so that’s no real benefit at all. Sit around doing nothing for a couple years, and you can call yourself an experienced meditator, philosopher, or politician.
The problem with getting experience from a job is that you usually just repeat the same limited experience over and over. You learn a lot in the beginning and then stagnate. This forces you to miss other experiences that would be much more valuable. And if your limited skill set ever becomes obsolete, then your experience won’t be worth squat. In fact, ask yourself what the experience you’re gaining right now will be worth in 20-30 years. Will your job even exist then?
Consider this. Which experience would you rather gain? The knowledge of how to do a specific job really well — one that you can only monetize by trading your time for money – or the knowledge of how to enjoy financial abundance for the rest of your life without ever needing a job again? Now I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have the latter experience. That seems a lot more useful in the real world, wouldn’t you say?
3. Lifelong domestication.
Getting a job is like enrolling in a human domestication program. You learn how to be a good pet.
Look around you. Really look. What do you see? Are these the surroundings of a free human being? Or are you living in a cage for unconscious animals? Have you fallen in love with the color beige?
How’s your obedience training coming along? Does your master reward your good behavior? Do you get disciplined if you fail to obey your master’s commands?
Is there any spark of free will left inside you? Or has your conditioning made you a pet for life?
Humans are not meant to be raised in cages. You poor thing…
4. Too many mouths to feed.
Employee income is the most heavily taxed there is. In the USA you can expect that about half your salary will go to taxes. The tax system is designed to disguise how much you’re really giving up because some of those taxes are paid by your employer, and some are deducted from your paycheck. But you can bet that from your employer’s perspective, all of those taxes are considered part of your pay, as well as any other compensation you receive such as benefits. Even the rent for the office space you consume is considered, so you must generate that much more value to cover it. You might feel supported by your corporate environment, but keep in mind that you’re the one paying for it.
Another chunk of your income goes to owners and investors. That’s a lot of mouths to feed.
It isn’t hard to understand why employees pay the most in taxes relative to their income. After all, who has more control over the tax system? Business owners and investors or employees?
You only get paid a fraction of the real value you generate. Your real salary may be more than triple what you’re paid, but most of that money you’ll never see. It goes straight into other people’s pockets.
What a generous person you are!
5. Way too risky.
Many employees believe getting a job is the safest and most secure way to support themselves.
Morons.
Social conditioning is amazing. It’s so good it can even make people believe the exact opposite of the truth.
Does putting yourself in a position where someone else can turn off all your income just by saying two words (”You’re fired”) sound like a safe and secure situation to you? Does having only one income stream honestly sound more secure than having 10?
The idea that a job is the most secure way to generate income is just silly. You can’t have security if you don’t have control, and employees have the least control of anyone. If you’re an employee, then your real job title should be professional gambler.
6. Having an evil bovine master.
When you run into an idiot in the entrepreneurial world, you can turn around and head the other way. When you run into an idiot in the corporate world, you have to turn around and say, “Sorry, boss.”
Did you know that the word boss comes from the Dutch word baas, which historically means master? Another meaning of the word boss is “a cow or bovine.” And in many video games, the boss is the evil dude that you have to kill at the end of a level.
So if your boss is really your evil bovine master, then what does that make you? Nothing but a turd in the herd.
Who’s your daddy?
7. Begging for money.
When you want to increase your income, do you have to sit up and beg your master for more money? Does it feel good to be thrown some extra Scooby Snacks now and then?
Or are you free to decide how much you get paid without needing anyone’s permission but your own?
If you have a business and one customer says “no” to you, you simply say “next.”
8. An inbred social life.
Many people treat their jobs as their primary social outlet. They hang out with the same people working in the same field. Such incestuous relations are social dead ends. An exciting day includes deep conversations about the company’s switch from Sparkletts to Arrowhead, the delay of Microsoft’s latest operating system, and the unexpected delivery of more Bic pens. Consider what it would be like to go outside and talk to strangers. Ooooh… scary! Better stay inside where it’s safe.
If one of your co-slaves gets sold to another master, do you lose a friend? If you work in a male-dominated field, does that mean you never get to talk to women above the rank of receptionist? Why not decide for yourself whom to socialize with instead of letting your master decide for you? Believe it or not, there are locations on this planet where free people congregate. Just be wary of those jobless folk — they’re a crazy bunch!
9. Loss of freedom.
It takes a lot of effort to tame a human being into an employee. The first thing you have to do is break the human’s independent will. A good way to do this is to give them a weighty policy manual filled with nonsensical rules and regulations. This leads the new employee to become more obedient, fearing that s/he could be disciplined at any minute for something incomprehensible. Thus, the employee will likely conclude it’s safest to simply obey the master’s commands without question. Stir in some office politics for good measure, and we’ve got a freshly minted mind slave.
As part of their obedience training, employees must be taught how to dress, talk, move, and so on. We can’t very well have employees thinking for themselves, now can we? That would ruin everything.
God forbid you should put a plant on your desk when it’s against the company policy. Oh no, it’s the end of the world! Cindy has a plant on her desk! Summon the enforcers! Send Cindy back for another round of sterility training!
Free human beings think such rules and regulations are silly of course. The only policy they need is: “Be smart. Be nice. Do what you love. Have fun.”
10. Becoming a coward.
Have you noticed that employed people have an almost endless capacity to whine about problems at their companies? But they don’t really want solutions – they just want to vent and make excuses why it’s all someone else’s fault. It’s as if getting a job somehow drains all the free will out of people and turns them into spineless cowards. If you can’t call your boss a jerk now and then without fear of getting fired, you’re no longer free. You’ve become your master’s property.
When you work around cowards all day long, don’t you think it’s going to rub off on you? Of course it will. It’s only a matter of time before you sacrifice the noblest parts of your humanity on the altar of fear: first courage… then honesty… then honor and integrity… and finally your independent will. You sold your humanity for nothing but an illusion. And now your greatest fear is discovering the truth of what you’ve become.
I don’t care how badly you’ve been beaten down. It is never too late to regain your courage. Never!
Still want a job?
If you’re currently a well-conditioned, well-behaved employee, your most likely reaction to the above will be defensiveness. It’s all part of the conditioning. But consider that if the above didn’t have a grain of truth to it, you wouldn’t have an emotional reaction at all. This is only a reminder of what you already know. You can deny your cage all you want, but the cage is still there. Perhaps this all happened so gradually that you never noticed it until now… like a lobster enjoying a nice warm bath.
If any of this makes you mad, that’s a step in the right direction. Anger is a higher level of consciousness than apathy, so it’s a lot better than being numb all the time. Any emotion — even confusion — is better than apathy. If you work through your feelings instead of repressing them, you’ll soon emerge on the doorstep of courage. And when that happens, you’ll have the will to actually do something about your situation and start living like the powerful human being you were meant to be instead of the domesticated pet you’ve been trained to be.
Happily jobless
What’s the alternative to getting a job? The alternative is to remain happily jobless for life and to generate income through other means. Realize that you earn income by providing value — not time – so find a way to provide your best value to others, and charge a fair price for it. One of the simplest and most accessible ways is to start your own business. Whatever work you’d otherwise do via employment, find a way to provide that same value directly to those who will benefit most from it. It takes a bit more time to get going, but your freedom is easily worth the initial investment of time and energy. Then you can buy your own Scooby Snacks for a change.
And of course everything you learn along the way, you can share with others to generate even more value. So even your mistakes can be monetized.
Here are some free resources to help you get started:
- The Courage To Live Consciously (article on how to transition to more meaningful work)
- Podcast #006 – How to Make Money Without a Job (audio)
- Podcast #009 – Kick-start Your Own Business (audio)
- Podcast #014 – Embracing Your Passion (audio)
- 10 Stupid Mistakes Made by the Newly Self-Employed (article)
- How to Build a High-Traffic Web Site (or Blog) (article)
- How to Make Money From Your Blog (article)
One of the greatest fears you’ll confront is that you may not have any real value to offer others. Maybe being an employee and getting paid by the hour is the best you can do. Maybe you just aren’t worth that much. That line of thinking is all just part of your conditioning. It’s absolute nonsense. As you begin to dump such brainwashing, you’ll soon recognize that you have the ability to provide enormous value to others and that people will gladly pay you for it. There’s only one thing that prevents you from seeing this truth — fear.
All you really need is the courage to be yourself. Your real value is rooted in who you are, not what you do. The only thing you need actually do is express your real self to the world. You’ve been told all sort of lies as to why you can’t do that. But you’ll never know true happiness and fulfillment until you summon the courage to do it anyway.
The next time someone says to you, “Get a job,” I suggest you reply as Curly did: ”No, please… not that! Anything but that!” Then poke him right in the eyes.
You already know deep down that getting a job isn’t what you want. So don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise. Learn to trust your inner wisdom, even if the whole world says you’re wrong and foolish for doing so. Years from now you’ll look back and realize it was one of the best decisions you ever made.
Final thoughts
While I wouldn’t recommend starting on online business for everyone, for many people it’s one of the best ways to generate income without a job. It has certainly worked disgustingly well for me. If you’re interested in learning more about this option, please check out Build Your Own Successful Online Business for details.
Source of the article ishttp://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/07/10-reasons-you-should-never-get-a-job/
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=TLB75ED3
Tired of being manipulated and taken advantage of? Want to learn how to influence and motivate others, turn associates into friends, and win in any competition? Then consider reading Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Feel Powerless Again.
Based on psychological principles, this book is less about manipulation and more about observing and influencing people (including yourself) and learning how to take control of situations. Most of Lieberman’s techniques are straightforward, user-friendly, and practical. You’ll learn simple ways to make a fantastic first impression, get people to return your phone calls, and stop a rumor before it ruins you. You don’t even have to read the text to benefit. To help you get the upper hand quickly, strategies are reviewed at the end of each chapter. While some suggestions are obvious (smile and make eye contact), the five sections and 40 chapters contain many gems that can help improve your life. –Ellen Albertson
With a major snag being hit with the House passage of the Healthcare Bill that involves public monies being used to pay for abortions, and in the light of my recent “debate” on Game with the lovely Susan Walsh of HookingUpSmart.com, I thought now would be the perfect time to address exactly why these two powerful “correctors” of the sexual marketplace-Game and Choice For Men-has drawn the ire of both, Women AND Men.
Let’s put our Occam’s Razor-assisted thinking caps on, shall we, gentlemen?
OK…
The reason why Game is reviled, and why “Roe For Men” elicits the ire of Women and Men alike, is very simple:
Because it gives maximum options to a maximum number of Men.
That’s why.
Keen students of Game understand well that its underpinnings come from the insights gleaned from Evolutionary Psychology & Biology, the study of human behavior and the adaptations that had to take place many tens of thousands of years ago on the African Sahara to meet the demands of the environment. Human beings evolved and moved away from said environment, but by then the “programming” had taken hold; it takes many thousands of years to “reboot” the system.
So, what we have today in our time, is essentially this-we have all these toys and gadgets and big ideas, but we aren’t that far removed from our Saharan past.
Game is the proof.
Now…
As we all know, the key mating strategy of the Female is to get the attention of the Alpha Male-the leader of the pack. He is the one best equipped to provide resources to her children; he is the one best able to defend her and her kids from any threats.
For thousands of years, this was a fairly easy thing to do for the Female; the Menfolk were quickly sorted out, either by rivalry within the tribe, or warfare with other tribes, or by being killed off during hunting trips, etc. All the Females had to do was pick the “winners” of these and other situations.
Now, barring Rape-which was quite a legitimate mating strategy for Males for thousands of years in its own right-the deal was, the Alphas got the best Females. If you weren’t an Alpha, your chances of passing on your genes into the future were dim-you either had to hope you could sneak one in while the Alpha was away, or, get the leftover Females nobody really wanted, or, bust a Female upside the head and take her by force. Failing that, you were facing an Epic Evolutionary Fail.
Women are wired to “screen out” all but the Best Men for the purposes of mating and *longterm commitment*. Remember this one, folks, its very, very important. All lesser guys need not apply. Down through the Ages, Women have evolved to come up with ways and means to separate one group of Men, from the other.
This highly attuned “radar” if you will, on the part of Women, is in large part “fooled” by Game, because it gives the average guy the tools needed to ape the behavior of Alpha Males. This in turn gives him more chances to mate-in other words in our time, get laid-and this in turn causes mucho stress for the Ladies, because Game makes it so they cannot as easily determine who’s who. For a Woman, this is hugely important-as I’ve pointed out before and it bears repeating, a Woman risks a heck of a lot to have sex. Much, much more than Men do. Aside from things like Rape and STDs, one of the biggest risks is in her giving it up to the wrong guy, and having to deal with the fallout from that. And, as I’ve also noted before, and it also bears repeating, Good Guys-essentially Alpha Males-are hard to find. This means that, by necessity, all the guys cannot get laid:
*FROM A FEMALE’S POINT OF VIEW, IT’S VERY IMPORTANT THAT THE NUMBER OF GUYS GETTING LUCKY IS RESTRICTED.*
If every Tom, Dick and Harry could get laid at will, with the more topshelf honies, it would wreak havoc on tens of thousands of years of delicate programming for the Female-important programming that helps her “sort out” the Males into two distinct groups: Alphas, and errbody else. Game in essence, seriously messes with that programming.
Which is why Women have so many problems with it.
So, that explains the Female side of the equation-but what about the Male side? That too, is also simple.
When one has a fundamental grasp of Human Nature and of Game, which is really Social Sexual Dynamics, then one understands why one can see much Hateration from certain quarters of the Menfolk on this issue. For Men, competition to mate, and with the choicest Females, is FIERCE. In Nature, Males display, and Females choose-this means that not only does a Male have to have the best “display” but that it’s in his interest to restrict the number of competitors he has to contend with-the more guys in the round, the lesser his chances of “winning”. Again, Game gives more guys more chances to “win”-and quite a few guys, operating from the Reptillian Id, DON’T LIKE THAT.
This is why you’ll hear these guys dress up their evolutionary hateration in flowery terms like “trickery”, “deception” and the like, not to mention a goodly bit of White Knightery-when you really break it down, the issue is, that more guys will have options if they have Game. Simple as that.
Before I move on to Roe For Men, let me say this…
Remember my recent debate with Susan Walsh? She made quite a big deal about the “neg”, a powerful method that one soon learns when first receiving Game training. And she’s not alone-just about every single, female critic of Game will crow loud and long about this one teeny wittle aspect of the science. And do you want to know WHY so many Women complain so loudly and long about the Neg?
BECAUSE IT WORKS, THAT’S WHY.
And worse, there is NO DEFENCE AGAINST IT. Why? Because it is deeply embedded in a Woman’s psyche to submit to a Dominant Male, and negging is what Dominant Males do. In fact, the astute among my readers might have picked up on something in the aforementioned exchange. Hmm…
So-teaching average guys about the why’s and wherefores of Negging again, essentially screws up the inherent Alpha Radar Women have-can you see why they’re so upset now?
Another example, and then we’ll examine “Choice For Men”…
Recently, I wrote about the issue of paying for dates. Although I didn’t get a heck of a lot of responses enlist, I did get a goodly number from WOMEN offlist, complaining about what I said. Now, keep in mind-I didn’t say I wasn’t gonna pay for ANY dates; I simply said that it wasn’t a good idea for a guy to go all in on a first date with a Women he really doesn’t know and hasn’t had sex with in any event. Even given the comments in response to what I wrote, by other guys, The Fifth Horsemen amon them, what I wrote was quite fair, balanced and reasonable.
Still, the Ladies were feeling some kind of way.
Do you know why? Go back and review what I said: it’s because, the mere mention of saying what I said means that I’m not needy for sex, and the vast majority of Men are-which means, in effect, they’re signalling that they’re NOT ALPHA. So when a guy blows a C-Note on a gal he hasn’t been in bed with yet, he’s saying “I’m so horny!”-and that tells the gal that he ain’t The One. Epic. Evolutionary. Fail.
She WILL however, take his money, in the form of lunches, dinners, nights out on the town, flowers, baubles, you name it-and hey, why not? As the Wise Man once said, a Fool and his Money are soon departed. I betcha all those Women who wrote to me offlist, had NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER either doing what I just wrote above, and/or know, and fully endorse, other Women doing it. Yet, they have a problem with little ole me. Why?
Because hipping guys to the realities of paying for dates too soon basically screws with the “radar” again, AND WOMEN DON’T LIKE THAT. Only Alphas are supposed to have sexual options. See what I’m saying here?
OK, so let’s now move on to the Roe For Men issue…
People, its real simple: in America, we have this thing called Equal Protection Clause-which means, that you can’t make laws that benefit only one group, and not everyone else, or worse, target one group with a set of laws. It’s either all or nothing, and it works very well across the board, no matter what the issue is.
When it comes to Reproductive Rights, as it currently stands, we have an inherently un-Constitutional situation happening, because only Women can have the right to choose whether they want to be a parent or not. Men, don’t have that right.
Again, once one understands Game, which is deeply rooted in Evolutionary Science, it is easy to see why Roe For Men is so vehemently fought against, by Women and Men both.
For Women, the issue is very easy-despite all the many advances Women have made, they still desire and demand that they get maximum resources from a Male-ideally the actual dad, but in a pinch any guy with good prospects will do (watch the Maury Show)-and failing that, the State. For Men, again, basically freeing up Men to fully explore their sexual options without any encumbrance of being a parent involuntarily, would mean more “competitors” in the marketplace; as it currently stands, forcing guys to pay child support acts as a check on their sexual activity. It removes potential players from the field.
Going back to Women, remember what I said earlier: their “mission” isn’t only to mate with the Alpha, but to get his *longterm commitment* in the form of resources. If Roe For Men would be allowed to pass, that latter part of the deal collapses. But it would uphold the basic premise of the Equal Protection Clause, yes? If Women can decide, w/o regard to her sex life, when and if she becomes a parent, why can’t Men? Its really simple. And just note all the rhetorical Jiu Jitsu the “pro choice” crowd engages in when confronted with these facts. I mean, come on.
So, to recap:
Game & Roe For Men greatly threaten the sexual marketplace, by giving the average guy much more options than he would have had previously. This is a great concern to Women and Men alike, albeit for differing reasons. For the former, it messes with their finely attuned radar that’s set for weeding out Alpha Males from everyone else; in the latter case, it promises more direct competition for the better females.
OK, my job is done here.
Now adjourn your confused and befuddled asses…
The Obsidian
Article source: http://theobsidianfiles.wordpress.com/2009/11/10/why-game-choice-for-men-elicits-so-much-hate/
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28. The ‘Two Step’ (and not Ciara’s version)- You will never find an EBW “bustin’ out” on the dance floor, “droppin’ it like it’s hot”, or laying on the ground doing the “cry baby”. We like to maintain an upright position and an even tempo suitable for light flirtation and making sure we don’t sweat out our hair. Step-touch. Step-touch. We sway from left to right and then from right to left. No matter if the dj is spinning R. Kelly, Nelly, or Beyonce, we two-step. We may speed it up or slow it down. We may do it standing very close to our partner, or an arms length away. We may add a hand clap, a snap, a head whip, a turn, or even a little more hip and back action, but all in all, we keep doing our same two-step.
27. Africa- EBW’s are in love with Africa the romanticized idea, the unrealized fantasy, and the Motherland. We are inspired by the historical narratives of Nefertiti, Sheba, Nefertari, and Cleopatra and believe that we descended from a long line of Black Queens. We even believe that early life began in an African woman’s womb. We carry a bit of Africa’s glorious history in our proud step, our sassy attitudes, and in our willingness to set you straight about any issue that has to do with race, in particular Black Women. Yep, we blame the White Man for deflowering Africa but we try not to hold the grudge. We believe that because we come from Africa we have better rhythm than you do and that our S-shaped bodies are made of divine material. In fact, because we love Africa so much, we are quick to tell off any man who dares defile it. Now, many of us have never even been to Africa and may never go, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling a deep attachment to her. Africa is like the family matriarch who died before we were young. We’ve never met her but we’ve been told endless stories about her greatness and we instinctively love her. Any EBW over the age of 35 will have amassed some collection of African art and artifact. It’s like a family portrait. We need to know that Mother Africa is watching over us and our homes.
26. “The Black Girl”- EBW’s love rooting for the one or two Black girls in a position typically filled by Whites; the one Black ballerina in the New York City Ballet (though Aesha’s gone), the one Black news anchor on the 10 o’clock news, the Black CEO, the one Black beauty contestant in the Top Ten, even Oprah Winfrey!!! It didn’t matter that many Black women thought Star Jones was arrogant, when she was fired from The View we were pissed! We wanted to riot when Kara Saun didn’t win Project Runway. Really, EBW’s love to see Black women breaking barriers because it reaffirms our sense of purpose. At least once, most EBW’s have experienced being “The Black Girl”. What do we hate? “The Black Girl” that was type-cast on reality tv to represent all Black women. Why? She’s either “ghetto”, the “vixen” or the “bitch” and neither is accurate.
25. Exclusive Affiliation- We don’t like exclusive organizations. We love them! We swear by Black organizations with rigorous admission standards as a means to validate our status in Black Society. Exclusion is a time honored tradition amongst Black Women. Prestigious affiliations make us feel like we’ve arrived, and quite frankly, like we’re better than those who aren’t involved. We also love the connection we feel with other EBW’s, particularly famous ones, when we discover they are in our same organization. We’re secretly on a mission to amass as many exclusive memberships as we can by age 50. Black Sororities, the Links, Girlfriends, the Drifters, 100 Black Women… we like to belong to anything that ordinary folk could never get into and the older and more exclusive the better. We even judge men based on their exclusive Black affiliations. Is he Greek? Is he in the Boule? All of these organizations increase a man’s eligibility. And we like paraphernalia too. What sense does it make to belong to an exclusive organization if you can’t flaunt it? We like jewelry, scarves, jackets, t-shirts, hoodies, broaches, banners, posters, license plates, key chains, coffee mugs, purse hangers, pot holders, picture frames, paintings, figurines, beach towels, and clothes for our babies adorned with images of our organization. We especially enjoy incorporating our organizations colors into our home design palette. Legacy, well…. That’s one of our favorite words in the English language. We especially can’t wait to have little ones so we can put them in Jack and Jill and start a new generation of Black folk with exclusive affiliations.
24. New York City- NYC is the premiere post-grad destination for young Black professionals working on Wall Street, top law firms, publishing, media, or perhaps studying medicine at Columbia or Cornell. Sure, we may have to put up with expensive cramped apartments in the less desirable neighborhoods of Manhattan (God forbid you reside in Brooklyn, Queens, or ghasp…. Jersey) and possibly annoying roommates, but Manhattan is the social hub of the Black up-and-coming. There’s no better place to hobnob with other educated Black Folk and potentially meet our future educated Black well-paid husbands than New York City. Hmmm…. But let’s be real and many of my BAP friends have learned, being single in NYC is like being dehydrated in the middle of a salt water sea.
23. Black Weddings- An EBW loves herself a Black Wedding! Black weddings celebrate all the values and joys in life that she holds dear; True love between a Black Educated Man and Woman, family, invitation only, pomp and circumstance, dressing to the nines, and the ‘Electric Slide’ (the only time she breaks her two-step). Now we don’t love all Black Weddings. We can’t stand the wedding where Uncle Rufus gets drunk during cocktail hour, the Best Man has gold teeth, the hubby’s wearing a du-rag and the maid of honor has her dress hiked up on the dance floor as she does her spirited rendition of the Tootsie Roll. We like classy, well attended affairs; Black Weddings where we can hobnob with other educated Black folk and if we’re single, cozy up to the Educated Black Groomsmen who are still bachelors. The best part of a Black wedding is the next day when EBW’s critique everything from the wedding dress to the favors. One more thing, we may acknowledge that another EBW’s wedding was a nice affair, but we will never acknowledge that was better than our own, real or imagined.
22. White friends- EBW’s love our white circle of friends. We all have friends from childhood, college, and work who are very near and dear to us. Chances are, we’ve shared some of most important life experiences with them. Now, these friends are tested and approved. They don’t try to impress us by touting their love for Hip Hop and Dave Chapelle. When they’re drunk they don’t begin mumbling crazy things about our hair and Al Sharpton. They’re cool white people. They like us for who we are and we like them for who they are.
21. Sushi-EBW’s love sushi. It’s cosmopolitan, light on the waist line and sooo delish! If you want to impress her on a first date, take her to a fabulous sushi restaurant (and know how to use chop sticks). In general, EBW’s have an appreciation for internation cuisine like Ethiopian and Thai. It doesn’t mean she won’t throw down on some yams and collared greens, but her tastes are much broader than that.
20. Martini’s- It’s not that we collectively love the taste of a Martini more than we do red wine, pinot grigio, or champagne, it ‘s that we love the way the glass is shaped. A Martini glass is just a sexy instrument to hold between our delicate fingers as we so elegantly work the room. We also love to congregate in Martini Bars and try different types. Pomegranate anyone?
19. Yacht Parties/ Dinner Cruises- The only thing an EBW enjoys more than an exclusive party where she can dress up and hobnob with other educated Black folk is an exclusive party on a boat. There’s something about the breeze off the Hudson blowing through her hair and the Statue of Liberty in the background that makes the vibe just right. Maybe it’s because they make for good pictures.
18. Blackberries- Educated Black Women are beyond the cell phone. We like whipping out our blackberries at any given moment; walking down the street, having dinner at a restaurant, shopping. We appear to be contstantly checking our barrage of e-mails and we do want you to know that we are very important people, but in reality we’re probably texting our sig-o to see if he’s coming over later, seeing if our husband picked up the kids from ballet class, gossiping with other EBW’s, and maybe responding to a work-related e-mail or two.
17. Travel- What begins in college as Spring Break in Jamaica and semesters abroad turns into a life-long commitment to seeing the world. EBW’s are cosmopolitan and we love experiencing different cultural landscapes. We like to travel with our husbands or ‘Sig-O’’s and with our best girlfriends. We especially like to frequent places where there are other Educated Black Folk, like Oak Bluffs, Martha’s Vineyard, Sag Harbor, and Hilton Head. EBW’s also enjoy European vacations, and most will experience London, Paris, Italy, and Spain at least once in their lifetime.
16. Paying Exorbitant Prices for Ordinary Things- An EBW may swear by a t-shirt, Gap Jeans, and a worn down pair of Birkenstocks, but even the most modest of EBW’s won’t hesitate to pay 60 bucks for a 16 oz. jar of Miss Jesse’s curly Pudding. We love to pay high prices for ordinary items, like Frederick Fekai hair products, Carol’s Daughter, and Kiehl’s skin cream. We especially like brands that ordinary folk have yet to hear of and we are quick to abandon them once they become popular. We know that conspicuous consumption is a sure sign of a faker, and we know that ordinary folks will pay top dollar for designer gear and skimp on everything else. So to prove our authenticity as true elitists, we avoid being walking build boards, but we flock to expensive ordinary items; bottled water, take-out, pots, linens, greeting cards, flip flops, Swarovski studded card holders, pens…you name it. We also love to shop at expensive grocery stores where we can buy quality expensive apples, hummus and organic cereal. Many of us will ultimately think we’re too good for Shop Rite. We prefer Dean and Deluca, Whole Foods, and Kings and other high-end grocery store chains.
15. Bohemian Men- We get turned on by the sight of long locks. We yearn to seduce that man with bronze skin, high cheek bones, and a thick… Caribbean accent. We like poets, writers, musicians, underground rappers and artists, especially sculptors who work with their hands. We like men who traverse Harlem River Drive with a scribbled on note pad in their back pocket, humming Dizzy Gillespie, pondering the plight of the Black race. Okay, ultimately we may not marry a bohemian man but we will at least have a fling, or for some timid EBW’s, a recurring fantasy. For the EBW, his sex appeal lies in his very willingness to break with the status quo. In our tradition-filled world with clean cut, social climbing, corporate-bound men named Darius and Joshua, we long for a man named Jafar who will blow our back out, and then smoke a blunt and explain what this whole Rasta thing is about. Yes, well, this is just true.
14. Financial Independence- Despite the fact that for some of us EBW (NOT ME), our secret ambition is to marry a well-off Educated Black Man, quit our job, have babies and become a PTA/Jack & Jill/ Soccer mom, until then, we are wiling to climb the corporate and academic ladder. Our mother’s taught us the gospel of self-sufficiency and the value of an excellent education. We’re not dating to hit the jack pot. We don’t have our palms out. In fact, we strive to realize our greatest potential, whether it’s as an entertainer, entrepreneur, or any other profession. We just want a man that can match us in wit, intelligence, and success. We also know that as long as we have financial independence we can hold our own in a relationship. So if our Knight In Shining Armor leaves us for, let’s say, a cheap courtesan, we can take care of business. Let me just state, this separates a real EBW from a fake one… and a fake one can be educated academically, but not in self. An EBW is not a gold-digger, we just attract the men with the gold. We don’t enjoy merely making our own money, we know how to balance a check book and keep track of funds. In a marriage, the EBW will frequently handle the finances.
13. Negro Geography- Forget Monopoly, an EBW’s favorite game is “Negro Geography”! “Negro Geography” is a rapid fire, question and answer game played between an EBW and another Educated Black person upon meeting. It goes something like this:
“Hi! What’s your name?”
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?”
“Where did you grow up?”
“Where did you go to college?”
“Did you pledge a fraternity/sorority?”
“Where did you go to grad-school?”
And sometimes, “Were you in Jack and Jill?”
The catch is that after the EBP responds to each question, the EBW will name a long list of people who are affiliated with that school/region/company/organization. Example, “Oh you graduated from Wesleyan in 2000, do you know Jeff Williams?” The EBP that can answer yes to the majority of her “Do you know…?” inquiries wins. What do they win? Her instant respect and friendship.
12. Languages- EBW’s have an affinity for speaking more than one language fluently. Being Multi-lingual is a sign of education and worldliness. We also love to show off our language skills in front of unsuspecting White People. While French, Spanish , and Italian are by far the most popular, other EBW’s have been known to master Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Arabic (moi), German and Russian.
11. Competition- EBW’s thrive on competition. Nothing inspires them more than the thought of doing what they do better than the next person. It starts in school when we are conditioned by our parents to be twice as good as everyone else (in particular White People) in order to get ahead. So we compete against our peers for the highest GPA. If we play a sport or practice an art (of course we do) we compete to be the best at that. Competition is a way of life for EBW’s. We even compete against ourselves. In college we compete to be the most visible student leaders. Then we compete to see who can get into the best grad school and/or land the best job, who can go the furthest in their career, catch the finest, most successful husband, and then bear the best children. We compete against ourselves and sometimes we don’t even know who we’re competing against, we just strive to surpass perfection by instinct.
We don’t just compete against our peers though. We especially like to compete against other EBW’s (and yes, they can be our friends) because while we learned that we always have to be twice as well to prove ourselves in the real world, we are also lead to believe that there can only be ONE EBW at the top of her game in a chosen field. And then, when we discover that there is a shortage of black men, we fear that if we aren’t the most outstanding woman in the crop, we’ll end up 46 and never married. We compete to be the best dressed. We compete to have the smallest waist line. We compete to be in the most exclusive organizations and to have the most finely decorated home. I’ve seen an established grown woman demand a bigger engagement ring from her husband (and the original was fabulous) because her long-time friend received a brand new 5 caret from her husband on her anniversary. Competition inspires us. Often times it brings out the best, but sometimes it brings out the worse. Now I don’t condone this “crabs in the barrel” nonsense, and it doesn’t apply 100 per cent for all of us, but I call it like I see it.
10. The Arts- Because most EBW’s participated in some capacity in the performing arts during their childhood, we grow up to be lovers of culture. We love going to the theater, and not just the Apollo and the Beacon Theater to see the latest production on the “Chitlin’ Circuit” (though don’t get me wrong, an EBW will be front and center at a Tyler Perry play or some other “Momma I Want to Sing”). We enjoy performances such as Alvin Ailey, Jazz at the Lincoln Center, and Broadway musicals, especially those shows starring Black Folks. We love to spend an evening at a good jazz club and we usually become avid collectors of Black art.
9. Scarves- Scarves are the erudite fashion statement. EBW’s swear by their scarves and not the ones we wrap around her heads at night to protect our ‘do at night (though those are very important too). The scarf is a class marker. It says, “I am an educated Black Woman”. That’s why we only wear ones you’ll notice, like vibrant pashminas, pastel plaid Burberry’s, beautiful silk scarves and even retro-print Pucci neck ties. EBW’s have made scarf tying an art and we try to out-do each other with new ways to drape our scarves around any chosen outfit. Scarves…. Its just something we do.
8. Taking Pictures- EBW’s take photography very seriously. You can spot the EBW at an event because she, or her most trustworthy friend, will have her digital cam in tow. Now the difference between an EBW and other folks that just like to snap pictures is that an EBW doesn’t take pictures just to remember an event, we take pictures to remember how good we (and maybe or posse) looked at an event and who of importance was there. We like to take a lot of shots to make sure that we have options when getting them developed, e-mailing to our friends and family, or posting them on websites such as Facebook. We like individual shots, group shots, shots with people we know, shots with people we just met, shots with people we don’t know at all especially if they’re important, background shots, full body and close ups. We also like to take pictures before the event, on the way to the event, and in the diner afterwards. What we don’t like is candid shots (particularly while we’re eating) and a good way to make a quick enemy is to shoot an EBW in an unflattering position. In fact, we will kindly ask you to delete that photo if we catch you, and will have you scroll through your pictures to make sure that you did. An EBW understands that a photo is forever and she wants to be captured in her best light. She makes her posing seem natural, but trust, an EBW knows her angles, her bad side and her good side, and she has practiced her smile on several occasions in the mirror. Now, what separates an EBW from other girls who like to pose for pictures and let’s say, post them on Myspace, is that we refrain from appearing to be amateur porn stars. We will not post pictures of ourselves in sexual positions wearing lingerie, cut off booty shorts, or displaying partial nudity. The purpose is not to advertise our goodies or apple bottoms. We have too much class for this, and trust that we look down on women who do.
7.Black Gay Male Cameraderie-EBW’s are open-minded. Not only do we accept a Black Gay Man’s sexuality, we love having them as friends. Many EBW’s have at least one good male friend that is not heterosexual and he needn’t be flamboyant. Nevertheless, he generally does provide good conversation, company, a shoulder to cry on, and sound relationship advice. Our gay pals bring out the best of us and he provides an excellent support system. He’s like a best girl friend, without the cattiness and implicit competition. Now, contrary to popular belief, not all women use gay men for style advice because not all gay men have an instinctive sense of how to style a female. But we will, however, use him for honesty. Our gay pals keep it real. “Sweety I can’t let you go out with your hair looking like that.” “Sweety, I know you think you love him but this man is the scum of the earth.” “Sweety, I’m sorry, but chocolate brown and black don’t go.” Yep, we love our gay friends. We may even have several, but because they’re a bit jealous, only one will hold a special place in our lives. Oh and one more thing, while we love gay men as friends, we abhor them as lovers. No woman, forget the Educated and Black categories, wants to discover that her lover is indeed gay. Black Women hate “the Down Low” phenomenon because it’s killing our sisters, and we don’t want to have anything to do with that type of deceitful gay man.
6. Giving Back to the Community- Since we were little girls, we were taught the mantra, “To whom much is given, much is expected”. Now even if we weren’t born in the lap of luxury, growing up we did community service; with the church, with school, or even with Jack and Jill. Chances are that our parents, particularly our mothers, set a standard of giving back and we follow it until well until our adult lives. In college, many EBW will at least for one semester, mentor or tutor a child (a Black child though this is implicit). The best aspect of the Black Women Organizations that many EBW’s join is that many of them are founded on principles of civic involvement and philanthropy. Our goal in life is to get ahead and uplift our people in the process, though admittedly some EBW’s partake in do-gooding because it ‘looks good’. Even if the adult EBW doesn’t give her time to the community (and by community we mean Black community), she will at least give back monetarily. Giving back to the community… it’s just something we do.
5. Networking- If an EBW goes for a week without networking she feels a little queasy. How many opportunities for social and/or career advancement might she have missed in the past seven days? Sure, a lot of people network , but you have to understand, an EBW swears by it. She incorporates networking into her daily life. It’s a highly practiced art form. EBW’s have been learning how a firm hand shake, charm, and some friendly wit can take her places and she doesn’t miss an opportunity to broaden her circles. You never know who may come in handy. EBW’s join organizations to network, they join the right church to network, they get their hair done at upscale Black salons to network under the dryer, they travel far and wide to conferences for networking, they throw parties, they attend events, they write notes, they send gifts, they do lunch… all in the name of networking. In fact, when she receives an invite to a exclusive society event, she feels as if she just hit the lottery.
Many EBW’s by age 30 will have exhaustive social calendars. Networking takes time. There is no such thing as separation between business and pleasure. EBW’s even bring their families to Martha’s Vineyard year after year, so they can lounge on the beach… and network. There is always a place for networking. And she doesn’t just network for her own social and professional advancement she networks on behalf of her husband and children too. Even her friends, and her children’s friends.” The mayor’s wife is also a Link…. “ Suddenly the hubby is hired by the city. She sets up play dates for the children and single-handedly creates lifelong contacts. “You want to Harvard Law, I know someone on the admissions board .We used to play tennis together.” If you ever need anything, ask an EBW. A true EBW knows someone in every field and socialites in every region. She works hard to be at other’s service so that when she needs to, she can always call on a favor.
4. Michelle Obama- Barack Obama is an awesome candidate, but despite his honorable stance on the War in Iraq, health care, and the economy, what an EBW likes best about Barack is his wife Michelle. That’s right. Thank you Barack for choosing a successful, highly-educated, sophisticated, and beautiful Black woman as your wife and as the mother of your children. The election may not be over yet, but already Michelle is our First Lady. She is our patron saint. She is the Corretta Scott King of our generation. She’s not just the senator’s wife. Michelle has an identity of her own and an incredible academic and professional background. She can deliver just a fiery speech as he and address an audience of voters on any issue. And still, we can see how devoted she is to supporting her husband. We love that. We especially love that Michelle defies every stereotype that the media tries to project onto Black Women, those stereotypes EBW’s constantly fight to contradict. Older EBW’s admire her, and in case you were wondering, Michelle is the women that all of us Generation X EBW’s are trying to be.
3. Their Mother’s Opinion- It’s a love hate relationship and we don’t necessarily love our mother’s opinion, but we care about it. Actually, we care about it deeply. It’s not like we can avoid it. If mom is in the picture, then so is her opinion. It’s there, even when she isnt. We’ve heard mom’s take on our lives so much, it has nestled into a part of our brain, the part that makes decisions. Most EBW’s will make very few, if any, major-life decisions without her say. And if by chance we do, well… We’ll hear about it for the rest of our lives. Love you mom!
2. Flowery Language-Okay, so we’re educated. Of course we have fantastic sentence structure, pronunciation, and a broad vocabulary. We are articulate. But remember, we are not just Educated Women, we are Educated Black Women and like all Blacks, we like flavor (salt and paprika please). And Black Women have found a special way to season the english language. Lightly of course, she doesn’t do ebonics (except behind close doors), but she will add some flair to the generic sentence with off-beat expressions and spicy words like “fabulous”, “fly”, “fierce”, and “darling”. Cece my love, that outfit is baaad!” Now don’t get me wrong, the EBW is merely reacting to a legacy of innovating the English language, something Blacks have always done but in many ways the EBW is the mediator between the vernacular and mundane English. She weaves the two together seamlessly.
1. Educated Black Men- This requires little explanation. What an EBW loves best next to God and her family is an Educated Black Man… that loves an Educated Black Woman. Our ultimate ambition is to form a power couple. We want a man with class, intelligence, and ambition. And he must love his mama. It doesn’t matter where he came from, he just needs to have his eyes on the prize. And when we fall in love with that lucky EBM, we provide him our deepest love and support .
-Ike
Source: http://flyfunkydiva.blogspot.com/2008/03/stuff-that-educated-black-women-like.html
Every man should strive to reach his full potential. The competitive world in which we live stresses hyper-specialization as the way to get ahead. University graduate degrees narrow down a student’s area of expertise to enable them fill a specific niche. Young boys are encouraged to choose a single sporting event in which they excel if they are to have any hope for a collegiate or professional career down the road. Sadly, this trend is slowly eliminating the once-popular aspiration of becoming a well-rounded man.
A gentleman should have a firm handle on not just one or two, but every aspect of his humanity, working to strengthen himself in every way possible. If he is blessed with the gift of intelligence, his academic pursuits should not be chased to the expense of his physical health. Similarly, a creative personality should not lead a man to isolate himself and ignore the social aspect of his being. Excellence in one of these areas does not take attention away from the pursuit of the others but rather serves only to increase competence in complimentary areas, giving man a greater understanding of himself and the world around him.
The ideal of the Renaissance Man originated in Italy, and is based on the belief that a man’s capacity for personal development is without limits; competence in a broad range of abilities and areas of knowledge should be every man’s goal and is within every man’s grasp. What follows is a breakdown of the areas you need to master in order to become a true Renaissance Man.
The attainment of knowledge is central to a man’s development. A look at notable Renaissance Men throughout history makes it clear that this aspect is the most common and most extensive of all their aspirations. A man must have a diverse knowledge of all academic fields in order to assure his competence. The traditional Renaissance Man was seen to possess not only a general understanding of many topics, but rather a display of expertise in at least two or more of these areas. Science, literature, mathematics, grammar, cultural history and politics are a good place to start.
Subscribe to periodicals that will stretch your scope of knowledge rather than limit it. Do not only peruse blogs that confirm what you already believe. If you must watch television, view programs that will sharpen your intelligence and wit while increasing your awareness of historical events and the current political landscape. Purchase a map of the world or globe and study it. Most men would be embarrassed by what they don’t know when put to the test. Make a list of classic books, which you have not yet read, and schedule a time each day to start working your way down the list. Nothing exposes a man’s ignorance and lack of culture quicker than faulty geography or a lack of literary knowledge.
Subject yourself to material that is yet unknown to you, or opposes your current ideas. A lack of time is no excuse. Borrow from the library audiobooks on non-partisan politics, scientific developments, and religious practices of which you are somewhat or completely unaware and listen to them on your daily commute. Or tune into National Public Radio. This is essential to broadening your personal viewpoints, and will increase both your competence and confidence.
Physical Development
Not every man possesses superb athleticism, but that is hardly an excuse to neglect the maintenance of one’s physical self. Exercise of the body is every bit as important as that of the mind, and research shows that the two are actually quite complimentary. Leonardo da Vinci, whom many consider to be the ideal model of the Renaissance Man, was known to have been a brilliant scientist, inventor, painter, and musician. He was also said to have maintained an impeccable physique throughout his life.
Most men are not involved in physical activity as part of their livelihood, so it is an area that must be maintained by personal discipline. Develop a proper diet and moderate your intake of unhealthy food and drink. This is an essential part of every man’s health. You must set aside time every week for an exercise routine, be it running, cycling, or lifting weights. Find activities that you enjoy and that will not seem like drudgery.
Establish personal goals for distance or duration of your workout, and increase these goals as they are met. Work with others who have similar objectives and abilities to hold each other accountable for the routine. If you are not self-motivated at first, participate in community races or marathons in order to keep yourself responsible. The physical changes you will witness and the discipline you establish will surely have positive manifestations in all other areas of your life.
Social Accomplishments
A well-adjusted social life is perhaps the most important factor for a man to maintain his personal sanity and mental health. Not to mention the fact that strong interpersonal skills make a man an appealing candidate for both friendship and relationship. It is also a man’s responsibility as a citizen to make a significant contribution to his community throughout the course of his life, whether it be through time or money or both.
A man’s social life begins with his own personality, an area that demands a great deal of attention and introspection. You must recognize what you have to offer to others and constantly work to increase your contribution. Hone your listening skills, for everyone wants to be heard. Become a strong conversationalist. This is a combination of taking interest in the lives of others while bringing something of interest to the table yourself. The former consists only of the realization of the intrinsic value of others. The latter is dependent on your knowledge of social issues and influences, as well as your ability to convey them in an appropriate manner by reading others’ reactions. You will find that this personal development of charismatic demeanor may benefit you more than any other pursuit in your life.
Contribution to your community is also a vital part of maintaining a healthy social life. Whether this is involvement in local government, enrollment in the military, or investment of time in social work, it is a responsibility that every man should take seriously. Make sure you are aware of the happenings in society, both locally and nationally. Assess your personal strengths and find a way to use them to benefit the greater good. Coach a Little League baseball team, become a Scoutmaster, lend a hand at a homeless shelter, or organize a community event. This contribution and interaction as part of a group is a great way of developing yourself as a multi-faceted individual.
Arts
In our society, some view artistic pursuits as effeminate or limited to the elite class who possess the free time to engage in such frivolity (or alternatively, to those who have opted out of mainstream society and do not work). The Renaissance ideal is in sharp contrast to this mentality. Galileo painted and played the lute alongside his mastery of science and philosophy. Thomas Jefferson was an accomplished architect and designed innovative furniture and fixtures for his personal home throughout his illustrious political career.
A modern man must recognize his creative self as an integral part of the whole. Knowledge of the Arts, as well as personal exercise of his own form of expression prove important in personal development. Many men overlook their personal talents in this area because they are seen as less valuable or profitable than other strengths. Find an area of the arts that you enjoy and give it a go. Having trouble getting started? Many community colleges offer inexpensive art classes for beginners.
Many of history’s greatest minds wrote poetry to express their visions that could not be conveyed in scientific findings or political theory. Pick up a pen and put it to paper, you may be surprised with the result. If you take particular interest in music or painting, use this as your means of expression. It will expand your mind and teach you more about yourself. The exercise of your creative side will likely prove an inspiration not only to yourself, but to others as well.
Jack of All Trades, Master of None OR True Renaissance Man?
As a result of the proliferation of knowledge and the creation of new fields and many subcategories within existing fields, it is impossible to have expert-level knowledge in all fields. And some may argue that those aspiring to extensive knowledge in a variety of fields do not ever master a field, and that only a few distinguished individuals can truly be polymathic Renaissance men. In truth, you may master that which you are passionate about, and yet aspire for competence in many areas. The true benefit comes in making the attempt, not in achieving perfection. By simply aspiring and seeking knowledge and wisdom in fields that impact all of our lives, you will become a better man, and certainly have a shot at being an indisputable Renaissance man.
Written by Ross Crooks and Jason Lankow
source: http://artofmanliness.com/2008/05/27/how-to-be-a-renaissance-man/
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